In Too Deep!!!!

This started off as a poem but it became a story of sorts told from a man's point of view. I wanted to write this as a dude who is a player that has met his match...I've seen/heard/read different things from guys so I can honestly say that some dudes are really like this...but there is always hope as seen in this story...enjoy!


She was the girl that I wasn't supposed to have
the "Goody two shoes" who only had sex when she was in a "commited relationship"
she could spot game from a mile away and shut me down in a second
She's got walls put up..might as well give up...her girls would laugh and repeatedly tell me


Truth be told her friends wanted me to penetrate their walls
they had heard about "The Legend" concealed inside my calvin klein boxer briefs
they wanted to be the one that would put it on me in such a way
that I'd forget all about talking to her and fall in love with her best friend...well friends!


Women play the game better than we do and most would have fallen in the trap
I have seen it done before so I make sure that I don't step in
before I fuck and leave them they know that this is a momentary pleasure
and no matter how good I made them feel they could not come back for seconds


Don't get me wrong all of them were sexy as fuck I only mess with dimes
They all had full lips and fat asses and knew how to work both so well
I always made sure they left satisfied and beat my name on their walls
so whoever decided to hit after me could not fill the space I left in their hole I mean soul hahahaha


So getting at goody two shoes chick wasn't gonna be much of a problem
I would just have to try a little harder this time around
I love challenges haven't had one since I was a freshman in high school
and started sucking up and then fucking my Spanish teacher so I could change my D to an A


I would approach her and tell her I wanted to be her friend
cause I know many dudes try to get at her on a daily basis
I'd get her number and talk to her for an hour or so
and tell her that she could be the one that could change my life around


How her friends (yup the same best friends that tried to smash) told me she was a good girl
and how that's rare in a world full of jump offs and tricks
When I am ready to settle down she would be the one I would wanna commit to
fall in love with get married and have like 5 kids and live the "American Dream"


Speaking of dreams I'd tell her how I dreamed of waking up next to her every morning
and how I wanted to fall asleep next to her holding her close to my chest
I'd make love to her like those men in erotic novels do
and have her sweating shaking and screaming til she finally succumbed to the pleasure


Gotta sweet talk the ladies before you experience their sweetness
only a whore would let a dude hit it the first night
That's way too easy its like sleeping with a hooker for free
Who knows how many dudes she let fuck her effortlessly!


After having sex with her if it was good I'd stay around for a month or so
however long it takes me to move on to my next challenge
If it was wack I'd stop all contact with her
and if she doesn't get the point I'd change my number


Yeah I know I sound grimy as hell
but I'm keeping it real with yall so you can see how fucked up I was
goody two shoes switched it up on me
now I'm half crazy trying to figure out where I went wrong!


I called her and I was surprised by her intelligence and wit
and ended up talking on the phone for hours
She laughed at my fool proof lines
and came back with a few of her own

She said "Awww sweetie u are too much...I know Angel and Tamara all wanna fuck you
I think Angel already has even though she hasn't told me
I see the way she looks at you
and the way you dismiss her like she's discarded trash"

I know you are used to getting your way and the fact that I didn't fall at your feet surprised the hell outta you
Last time I checked there hasn't been a perfect man that walked this earth since Jesus
and he didn't rock gucci cologne and true religion jeans

What I'm tryna say is that you can't play me sweetie
I don't want a man like you in my life
Getting what you want based off your appearance can only work for so long
but when you're old,gray and alone 40 years from now then what are you gonna do?

You can wrap shit up in the most expensive box
and put your gucci cologne inside to disguise the scent
when all of the wrapping is peeled off and the box is open there is still shit inside
and it will be put in its proper place..the porcelain toilet bowl!

You are not a good person on the inside
you need to meditate and reevaluate your life decisions
maybe your mom was a woman who was easily manipulated
and you treated future women the same way

Maybe some girl broke your heart and you blocked your heart from love
and picked up and discarded women just as she did to you
You need to pray because you are in a sad place right now
and only the Lord can help you through this

By the end of the convo I was shellshocked
even after she hung up I held my blackberry to my ear and just sat there
I knew right then that I had met my match
and for the first time I gave up and lost the game

I tried calling/texting/emailing/facebooking/tweeting her
but she igged me every chance she got
I found out from Tamara(Angel wasn't talking to me) that she liked pink roses
so I had them sent to her class, job and house

3 months went by and still no response
and each day I found myself going crazy
Her face is the last thing I think about when I go to sleep at night
and the first thing I wake up to every morning

It's crazy because I feel like a changed man now
started praying and staying away from temptation
I still bought gucci cologne and true religion jeans
but they were for the teenage boy I started mentoring

One day I came home and I found a note attached to the door
when I saw it was from HER I almost broke my phone
I sat down not knowing what she had to say to me
just hoped it wasn't any kind of restraining order!

The note said "Hey there thanks for all of the messages flowers and cards you have sent 
they meant a lot to me and made me smile
i've heard that you changed for the better and im glad
couldn't be a player forever right?

If this had been a few months before we met maybe things would be different
But I am engaged and plan on marrying the love of my life next year
I know this may hurt but don't remain bitter but better
and know that you have truly touched my heart"

A tear escaped my eye but I brushed it away
I wasted so much time playing a game that had no valuable prize
the women who were consolation gifts weren't worth my time
and the grand prize has been taken by someone else

I know now that if I ever meet a Ms Right ever again
I won't block my heart trying to be Mr Cool
Otherwise I'll end up in the same exact situation
I waited too late to change and now I'm in too deep

Try again

I had a convo with my ex who is finally ready to settle down and be in a relationship(or so he says) I don't know whether to believe him b/c it just may be a way to reel me back in...I figured time will tell if he's sincere but I also had to reflect on our past b4 I even consider going there with him again...and this is what inspired my poem called "Try Again"


We both cried when I had to end whatever it was we had
You cried b/c you didn't want me to leave I cried b/c I knew I had to
I had to leave you in order to grow and become stronger mentally
Your love had me hypnotized and bound to the point where my soul was suffocating


You never hit me but every time we got into it I felt like I had been sucker punched
You always told me you loved me but your actions never showed it
I never asked you for anything but you wanted me to give you the world
No matter how hard I tried I came up short of your expectations


I was too dependent on others but yet I let you roam free
I was too weak but for a long time I had the strength to put up with your infidelities
I was too insecure about the way I looked but I made you feel like a superstar
What I was I have never been ever since I lost you and found myself


I let Keyshia and Brandy express my misery until I cried myself to sleep
I wanted to write love songs but at times the pain was too much to bear
I would start but could not finish when the tears would blur my vision 
the ink would run off the paper and destroy everything that came from deep inside


Finally I reached my breaking point and decided that I was done
I could no longer be a mental punching bag that you take your daily frustrations out on
You took me for granted but I know that karma is a bitch
And she came back around and hurt you more than I ever could


You've reached a point in your life where you are finally able to handle all I have to offer
but unlike before I refuse to give my heart away so easily
The tables have turned and now I run the show
You can try again but know that with or without you I will be alright

Reality...Really???

I decided to take a different approach to this post and ask my twitter followers what they wanted me to blog about...most of them said relationship issues which I will talk about in the next blog but my girl @DivaTN said I should talk about reality tv and how its really not anybody's reality. I agree and in fact I feel that a lot of shows on tv today especially shows on BET and VH1 are degrading to black women. I see all of these women whoring themselves for 15 mins of fame. If you wanted to be take seriously as an actress or model reality tv shouldn't be the go to place to get your start. Before these shows people did things the old fashioned way. They went to casting calls and sent their pictures out to different agencies. Even auditioning for music videos is more respectable than going on shows like For the love of Ray J, Real Chance of Love and the worst of them all Flavor of love(unless you are the Superhead type) The thing that makes me really mad is that all these shows have the word love in them like love is some type of game where if you go through enough women kissing and having "intimate" relationships with them you will find someone that can be your soulmate. These shows are shot in a matter of 6-8 weeks and a camera is around at least 12-16 hours a day so how can anyone really find love without the time and privacy it takes for real relationships to develop and grow. I feel that the ladies in the show that feed into the madness(fights, competitions,snitching on others) for publicity or get so caught up in what they are told by different people on what love is that when REALITY hits them it hits hard and hurts. Not everyone can turn their turmoil into fame like New York has so where does this leave these ladies???They are alone and many times have to hustle to keep the little amount of fame that they have. It's a sad and vicious cycle that only continues b/c people like you and I tune in every week to watch the train wreck unfold....if anyone believes for a second that this is real then he/she needs a reality check and they can start by turning off the tv!

Unhappily Ever After

A certain situation inspired me to write this poem....its very hard to let go and this poem shows just how much! with that being said here goes!


I thought that if I loved you hard enough things would change
No matter what happened I would be your ride or die
And even though folks would talk about us I would still stay strong
Only in the privacy of my room I would cry

Even though my gut told me you were doing wrong
I wanted to believe it was my insecurties messing with my mind
At the beginning of our journey we were in this together
But somewhere along the way you left me behind

All of these months I've been trying to play catch up
Even though you kept me in the dark
I have tried to be the glue that kept us together
Even though other forces in the world wanted to see us apart

If love were enough we would be together for a lifetime
Because our feelings for each other run that deep
I worry so much about losing you
That there's been many nights I couldn't fall asleep

For once I need to stop following my heart
It runs on pure emotion which creates doubt
Because the heart doesn't think logically
I stay stressing trying to sort things out

I am obviously alone in this fight to make this work
But I am not sure how to let you go
I've sacrificed so much that I lost myself in you
You are the only thing I know

Waiting for you to change seems unrealistic
But I can't imagine losing what's become a broken dream
Our reality has become more like a nightmare
Where everything is worse than what it seems

Once upon a time we were perfect for each other
Our life was filled with joy and laughter
But that was then and this is now
And we're living unhappily ever after

Behind his smile

I love this poem because I wrote it trying to put myself in someone else's shoes...its very hard writing about things that you are not sure about but if you can place yourself there mentally and write what you see but most importantly what vibes you feel from that person or situation it expands your creativity.....this poem is not about who you a lot of you may be thinking about...it was written in September of 2006 lol but it can apply to so many people who live in the spotlight! with that being said here it is!

when the curtain comes down
and the lights fade out
he steps out of the spotlight and looks in the mirror

and knows that few have made it this far

tears stinging his eyes because he thinks about her
he acts nonchalant for the cameras but wonders if

he hadn't made that mistake would they still be together
or was this only meant for a season and not a lifetime

the fans only know what they see
but nothing is ever what it seems
their fantasies blurred by a image he has created

the man they see at times is a facade

Privacy is very limited

its like he is in a fishbowl for all to watch

even when the show is over people still want to take a peek

they want to scrutinize, criticize and judge

he is deeper than just telling his secrets

he is more than just a ladies man

he loves like there is no tomorrow

he feels the pain just the same

he has leaches, snakes, and pironas on his back

he doesn't know where to turn or who to trust

he wears dark shades not just to look good but because

he can't trust just anyone looking in the windows to his soul

he's soft spoken but don't mistake it for weakness

he's confident but don't mistake it for arrogance

he knows what he wants and he goes after it

blood sweat and tears doesn't begin to describe his will to win

He is always looking for ways to outdo himself

he manages to go to that next level everytime

the critics are left speechless and his fans amazed

but they don't see the load on his back while climbing to the top

Some people manage to put him on this pedestal

and when he doesn't meet their expectations their world is shattered

they forget that he is a human being

and those trials and tribulations hurt him far worse

He loves what he does but no one but him knows

just how much he has had to sacrifice to be at this point

He makes it look so effortless so easy

but much more lies behind his smile

The beginning!

I always wanted to do a gossip blog but there are so many out there theybf.com bossip.com concreteloop.com and my fave necolebitchie.com but I wanted to be original so I decided to blog about what's interesting to me....I love music, poetry and entertainment in general so I plan to talk about that and my life. So many think they know me but trust there is so much more to me than meets the eye...Trey's blog (seefurtherthaniam.blogspot.com) title inspired me and I understand that people that don't know you can only judge what they see but this blog will let you deeper inside of my world....I only have one question....Are you ready???