Heart vs Mind

For so long I have been trying to work on myself. I was always over critical of myself and tried to change everything from my look to my outlook on life. I have realized though that I am not always the problem. The problem is staring at me right in front of my face and instead of dealing with it and getting it out of my life I try to make excuses and figure out if I am the one that is the cause of the issue. I have been talking to this guy since December. Nothing has changed since the beginning of whatever you wanna call this situation. It's not a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship because we are not committed to each other. He is content with the way things are and feels that I overreact about everything. There's no sign that things will change or improve and I don't even feel like we're friends because he isn't open with me like I have been with him. The sex is horrible on my end because he isn't willing to do certain things to make it more pleasurable and exciting for me and I'm wondering why am I even putting up with this mess? I have been trying to fix something that I haven't broken. He is the problem so why am I suffering because of it? I let my heart make decisions instead of my mind. The heart doesn't think logically. The heart wants so much to be in love and have companionship that it ignores the common sense the mind tells it and tries to make everything better. The heart gives hope that does not exist and I need to stop letting my heart and want for companionship control my mind and distract me from all that I want to do. One of my closest male friends told me that women are the ones in control. We control if we want to deal with another man. We control how fast the relationship goes and if we want to have sex.  My heart gave this guy the control and my mind has been suffering because of it. I refuse to let another day go by complaining about him and what he doesn't do for me. No ring or real commitment exists in this situation so I am free to do what I please. My mind has bigger and better things in store and I refuse to let my heart come in the way of that. One day when I meet a man that stimulates my mind and body equally then and only then will I let my heart back in the picture. Until that time comes I am going to focus on me and all of my dreams and aspirations. Life is full of twists and turns but as long as I know that I am great the way I am and that every problem that I encounter is not for me to solve I will be a stronger, more independent person. Graduating college, The Angielala Experience and getting my license (I know I should have gotten it already but nerves have gotten in the way!) are my 3 immediate goals and I won't stop even after I accomplish those goals because I have so much I want to do! I refuse to let another person distract me and make me lose my focus. I am ready for all the good and the bad that will come my way while I rise to the top. My mind will lead the way and maybe one day  my heart will be ready for another journey of its own!