Reasons, seasons and puzzle pieces

It's been a month since I've written on here but I feel like I have wasted so much time worrying about unimportant things such as the subject in my last blog. I cut things off with him but its so hard to not be mad at myself. I am a smart woman I know when I am not getting what I deserve but I still wasted my time hoping that things would change but knowing deep inside that they wouldn't. I just wanted some attention. I wanted the comfort of another person to reassure me that I was as beautiful and special that I'm told I should feel everyday just because there is no one else like me in this world. I know that all of this has to come from within but its hard when I have never been a person that's always believed in myself and what I am capable of doing. It's taken much effort to get to this point in my life where I'm taking chances as far as following my dreams and not caring what other people think of me when I do. So for me to not care what another guy thinks especially one that I have been involved with and have to see everyday b/c he's my neighbor is damn near impossible. I know it can be done and time heals all wounds and even though this wound isn't deep it still hurts....It's more like a papercut that's annoying the hell outta me. I wish I could think and feel the way a man does. Instead of analyzing my emotions just let them be and moving on if things don't work my way. People prey on weakness and I know that if I want to be successful in life, I can't let every little thing affect the way I think, feel and act. Especially not a person who was never meant to stay in my life forever. If something doesn't feel right then it usually isn't and instead of trying to fight that feeling in order to have momentary comfort I need to embrace it and get myself out of that situation. For now I am going to focus on me and what makes me happy. Instread of chasing love I will be chasing success and following my dreams. If someone comes along that works within those plans that's great. I refuse to take steps backward in order to accomodate someone else. It's like trying to put a puzzle piece in that doesn't fit...the picture is not complete and you have just wasted your time and energy trying to make it work. I am finally going to live for me and whether I fail or succeed I know that for once my heart will be in the right place giving my all to the right person...me!