Most of my friends are single ladies like myself...some of them have children some don't but no matter what the situation is we are all looking for the same thing. A giving, loving, honest and most importantly straight(lol) man that will not complete us because we are strong self sufficient women without them but be the extra cherry on top of our lives. We tend to stress in relationships and doubt our choices so much that men like Steve Harvey come out with books in order to help us figure out the male species(his book was amazing by the way a definite must read) As much as I loved "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" his book was just common sense wrapped up in 300+ pages....Most women know what they want and what they deserve but we settle because we don't want to be alone, we feel that this is as good as its going to get or we ignore warning signs b/c we are so into the idea of being in love that we try to not sweat what seems like small stuff only to find it blow up in our faces later on in the relationship. Most of us have had our hearts broken and been through it mentally (and some of us physically) but still haven't given up on the love of our lives...I know he's out there! I am all for not giving up and trying to make things work but I wish some of us knew just when to throw in the towel. 3 situations come to my mind that made me question these ladies behavior and made me realize just how much love you have to have for yourself before you can share love with anyone else.
This first girl I will call her "Denial"...She met this guy and at first she thought he was prince charming everything she asked for..as the relationship progressed the fairy tale ending that she dreamed up seemed so far away. He was acting shady but she kept on giving chances ignoring the warning signs flashing right in front of her face. She told herself that she was being insecure and that since she was so honest and forthcoming with him that he would be the same with her...dead wrong! She learned that honesty is not always reciprocated and to ignore what's staring at you right in your face is the ultimate deception...lying to yourself also known as being in denial!
This second girl I will call her "Fighter"....she fell in love with someone who is considered a ladies man. He gave her the world and then some but as much as he loved her he couldn't be faithful. She knew his love for her ran deep and she loved him more than anything. She was there when he had nothing and would continue to be there no matter what. I believe she felt that this was enough to make the relationship work. She told herself this but doubts still ran in her mind so she did the snooping, questioning etc only to find answers she knew all along. She knew that she should end it but this man was the love of her life no one ever made her feel this way. Eventually he broke up with her and she was miserable for a long time. I would think to myself why did she put up with that shit for so long!!! I don't care how amazing a guy seems if he's cheating over and over on me he doesn't really love me... not true you can love someone with all of your heart and know that they are the one but if both people not 100% committed in a relationship mind, body, and soul then its doomed for failure... she was definitely a fighter but I believe she was in the fight alone.
I will call this last girl "Settling". She has always been into the rough and rugged type because that was the only type of man that could keep her interest. Whether he be a drug dealer or regular hustler she was captivated and intrigued because money and attention were never absent from the relationship. She needed someone who seemed as strong as she was especially since she had to fend for her and her child. She met a guy who fit these qualities but he also had a temper and was abusive. She never compared her life to the tragic lifetime stories but her life was taking a turn for the worse. She stayed with him because he was what she was used to and never thought she could do any better....she's coming around slowly but surely and I don't think she's content with settling anymore!
These 3 women situations always stick in my mind b/c all three of them are beautiful, hard working and intelligent. Why did they have to lose themselves in fear of being alone? They thought this would bring them happiness but in turn it just brought more pain and frustration. I learned so much from them and I thank them for sharing their stories with me. They taught me so much about myself and inspired me to write this. Ladies(and gentlemen!!!) I would love for you to share your relationship stories with me so email me at angelicmelody86@gmail.com and I may choose to write about it in a future blog....love ya'll muah!
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No experience with relationships, but I did enjoy this blog. I think it's terrible to settle and lower your standards or even put up with things you know you don't like and shouldn't be present in a relationship all because you want to make it work and you care about the person. Love shouldn't have anyone in any of those compromising positions because those are things you should NEVER compromise. I think the fear of being alone stems from not truly loving yourself 100% to where you're content with being by yourself. Being able to be alone and be just fine with that is always key before getting into a relationship because then you'll know that if you do stick through the relationship, it's because you truly feel something/ love the person and enjoy their company, not because you're desperate to take whatever you can get or avoid being alone.
ReplyDeletethese things are so prevalent with women today.I know the words "independent" and "groupie" are so over used and underrated that when I think about these ladies and their relationship issues it makes me wonder what capacity do they have to love themselves? "lonely" is a tough emotion to conquer. I remember the "old" women saying "A piece of man is better than no man at all" and to me that is one of the biggest lies ever. Settling can never be an option. Settling=Miserable
ReplyDeleteI'm tryin to figure out which one am I lmao out of the first 2 lol I really enjoyed reading this blog entry. And every one of them situations are the truth I just loved it!
ReplyDeleteWell honestly I feel that I have been all 3 girls at some point, maybe even more than one in the same relationship if that makes any sense... I believe we all experience at least one of those scenarios in life, the only thing I fear is making it a pattern. I'm single now because I'm so committed to my career that my last two relationships have suffered tremendously because I put my career before both of them so to speak. One relationship I broke off because I lost all interest in it and the other he broke off because he couldnt handle being second to my career which will someday be my downfall romantically if I dont find that balance... this was a good blog, keep it up :)
ReplyDeletewhere d0 i begin.. Relationships should always be 50/50 ..not 70/30 or 60/40.. but unfortunately what may be love to one person is something totally different to another. However, at the end of the day a lady just wants to feel safe,secure & at peace with the one she chooses to love.Us Ladies just need 2 realize we cant get all caught up and then lose ourselves into something that we just claim with words & not with our heart. You know that gut feelin that tells you something isnt too kosher but u brush it off just to say "oh yea thats my man..thats my boyfriend".. but on the other hand everyone else doesnt know about the occasional "I Love You's and the text messages when he just want a quickie".. and go through all this just 2 be with someone.. Its hard trust but in the end when u remove yourself from the situation u then ask yourself wth was i thinking.2 be honest them emotions are s0o crucial when feel you love that guy s0 much u cant let him g0 no matter what..but there is always a situation that comes up out of no where that makes you see things in a different light 4 that person 2 make that change..and the end results would be complete happiness starting with them inside & everyone else would know.. KEEP THE BLOGS COMING ANGIE ..TRUST ITS NEEDED!!
ReplyDeleteAlright now lol...yes sometimes in relationships we have blinders on and it takes a good friend to show you what you can't see in your haze! One thing I do have to disagree with - you can be a strong independent woman but find the man of your dreams and he will not only be the cherry on top to compliment your wonderfulness he will also complete you.
ReplyDeleteawww thanks everyone for read and commenting I love u all!
ReplyDeleteDawn, I don't think that a woman should look for a man to complete her. That to me means that she was incomplete before he entered her life in some way shape or form. I do agree that he is a compliment like that Fab and Ne-yo song make me better. I was good before he came into my life he just came and made me better! I was flying high chillin before but with him I'm upgraded to first class lmao!
I COMPLETELY agree Ange!! I love the flying high chillin' turned first-class comparison.
ReplyDelete